The False Economy of Coffee Meetings: How a $5 Latte Now Counts as a Consulting Fee
The coffee meeting is a staple of modern networking. On the surface, it appears innocent enough: a friendly invitation to “catch up,” “brainstorm,” or the ever-popular “pick your brain.”
They make it sound so generous, don’t they? “I’d love to take you out for a coffee!” as if you’ve been desperately saving up loose change to one day afford such a luxury. You can buy your own coffee. In fact, you could buy a hundred coffees if you weren’t constantly donating your time to people who mistake your expertise for an smorgasbord of free advice.
What they’re offering isn’t coffee. It’s a minimum-wage shift disguised as a social nicety, where you will be required to dispense wisdom, provide solutions, and possibly even strategize their entire business model... all for the low, low price of a $5 beverage you didn’t even ask for.
And yet, somehow, despite knowing better, we keep saying yes. So, let’s finally do the thing that coffee-grifters never do: put some actual thought into what’s happening here.
The Economics of Stupidity: A Reverse Minimum Wage Calculation
If there’s one thing we should all be doing more often, it’s math. Not the fun kind where you figure out how many vacation days you can squeeze out of a long weekend, but the brutally depressing kind that exposes just how financially catastrophic a coffee meeting truly is.
You agree to an hour-long conversation where someone enthusiastically extracts your expertise, except, you don’t get a paycheck, just a lukewarm latte.
Add in travel time. That’s 30 minutes there, 30 minutes back, unless they have the audacity to suggest a midweek, rush-hour meeting across town.
Congratulations, you’ve now committed two hours to this endeavor.
Now, let’s talk about compensation.
Your reward? A $5 coffee. A drink that you, a functioning adult with disposable income, could have purchased in 30 seconds without any of this nonsense. But instead, you’re being paid in caffeine and faux gratitude.
Now, let’s do the reverse wage calculation:
If your rate is $200/hour, you’ve just signed up for a $2.50/hour gig.
Even if you discount your rate to $100/hour, you’re still making $5 per hour, putting you neck-and-neck with child laborers in developing nations.
And yet, some people will still say, “Well, some of these meetings lead to great opportunities!” To which I say: Allow me to introduce you to the next great fallacy…
The Myth of "Mutual Value": There Isn’t Any
If coffee meetings were mutually beneficial, we wouldn’t need to have this discussion. But, the ROI on these brain drain sessions isn't real.
The person requesting the meeting always swears it’ll be a two-way exchange of value. You arrive, hopeful that maybe this time will be different. It won’t be. Because these meetings, with eerie predictability, always fall into one of three tired, overused scripts:
1. The Aspiring Entrepreneur
This is the person who has just invented Uber for X. They want a free blueprint for success, complete with bullet-pointed execution plans, a marketing strategy, and a list of key investors they assume you’re best friends with. And an introduction to them, of course.
2. The Job Seeker in Disguise
This one starts out as a friendly chat about “industry trends.” Five minutes in, you realize you’re actually conducting a stealth job interview for a position you don’t have, weren’t hiring for, and didn’t sign up to fill.
3. The Pretend Connector
They swear they “love networking” and “seeing how people can help each other.” What they mean is: they would like you to help them. You sit through an hour of their self-indulgent monologue about their struggles, and the only thing you walk away with is a vague promise to “keep in touch” (read: zero actual benefit for you).
The worst part? This keeps working. Even on seasoned professionals who should know better.
The “Generosity” Illusion: You’re Not Ungrateful, They’re Just Manipulative
There’s something almost cult-like about the way people expect you to accept coffee meetings with open arms. Decline one, and suddenly, you’re a selfish, ungrateful monster who hates helping people.
This is the cultural gaslighting effect at the heart of the coffee meeting scam. If you say “I actually charge for this kind of consultation” or “I don’t have time for unpaid coffee chats”, watch as the other person’s face contorts into an expression of shock and betrayal. Suddenly, you’re “not a team player”, a “gatekeeper”, maybe even an elitist who has forgotten where they came from.
This is manufactured guilt at its finest. We’ve been conditioned to believe that helpfulness is a virtue, that we must always pay it forward, and that if someone is “just looking for advice,” refusing them makes us the villain.
But let’s call it what it is: buying someone a coffee in exchange for professional expertise is opportunism.
Let’s flip the script. Imagine this scenario:
"Hey, I’d love to pick your brain on social media strategy for an hour! In exchange, I’ll give you a single French fry from my lunch. Sound good?"
No? Seems absurd? So does the coffee economy.
You wouldn’t work for food, so why should you consult for coffee? If they actually valued your time, they'd be offering you money... not a latte.
Breaking the Cycle: How to Politely Say "Pay Me or Go Away"
There comes a time in every professional’s life when they must look in the mirror, take a deep breath, and say, “No more.” No more unpaid consulting. No more “quick chats” that last 90 minutes. No more pretending that an Americano is fair compensation for years of expertise. It’s time to break free from the Coffee Meeting Industrial Complex.
1. The Paywall Approach: Watch Them Disappear
You know what immediately separates serious people from freeloaders? A price tag. Try this:
“I’d love to discuss this! I actually offer consulting on this exact topic. Here’s my rate.”
Poof. The coffee invitation vanishes. Turns out, their “urgent need for advice” wasn’t so urgent when money entered the equation. If someone actually values your time, they’ll respect this. If they don’t? You just dodged an unpaid work session.
2. The Email Filter: Make Them Prove It’s Worth Your Time
A simple test:
“That sounds interesting! Could you send me a brief summary of what you’re looking for? I’ll see if I can offer any quick thoughts.”
Reality check: If they can’t be bothered to type three coherent sentences, do you really want to give them two hours of your life? Of course not.
3. The Group Setting Move: Separate the Serious from the Lazy
“I usually cover these topics in my workshops. Here’s the next session I’m hosting!”
Amazing how quickly their enthusiasm evaporates when they realize they’d have to actually show up, pay a modest fee and participate. Because what they really want is free, customized consulting on demand.
4. The Strategic Yes: The Exception, Not the Rule
If a meeting offers genuine, mutual value, consider saying yes. Otherwise? Say no. Firmly. Politely. Without guilt.
At the core of the Coffee Meeting Industrial Complex is a matter of respect. Respect for your time, your expertise, and the fact that you are not an on-demand knowledge dispenser activated by the insertion of a $5 beverage.
If someone genuinely values what you bring to the table, they’ll compensate you properly. Or at the very least, they’ll recognize that your insights are worth significantly more than a lukewarm latte and an insincere “This was so helpful!” at the end of the meeting.
So, the next time someone chirps, “Let me take you out for a coffee!” with the unmistakable enthusiasm of someone looking for free consulting, take a deep breath and remind yourself:
You are not a charity.
You are not a free encyclopedia.
You are not a vending machine for business advice.
And if you’re feeling particularly bold, just say the magic words that will set you free:
“I appreciate the offer, but I think I’ll just buy my own coffee and keep my time, thanks.”
Because, honestly? You can afford your own damn coffee.