What’s In It for Them? The Question Everyone Keeps Forgetting To Ask
Networking isn’t just asking for help. It’s offering value too. Here’s how to avoid entitlement and make your outreach matter.
There’s a shift that happens once your name starts to show up on panels, podcasts, or even just a halfway-decent LinkedIn post.. Suddenly, you are not a person. You are a resource. Your inbox becomes less of a communication tool and more of an unmoderated suggestions box where the only submission is:
“Can I have something for free?”
You begin to receive vague requests from people you’ve never met. A coffee. A quick call. A harmless 15 minutes to talk through their startup idea, industry pivot, or occasionally, their philosophical crisis. The tone is always friendly. The intent, not necessarily malicious. But the structure is almost always the same: no context, no specificity, no clarity of ask. And most telling of all, no sense that your time costs anything.
It’s not that asking is bad. Most people are wired to be generous. The issue is that the outreach rarely shows any understanding of the exchange. There’s no curiosity about your time or bandwidth. No thought given to mutuality. Just an implicit assumption that your experience is available on tap. The principle that should guide all of this, What’s In It For Them, was never considered in the first place.
WIIFT: The Most Obvious Idea People Somehow Keep Missing
“What’s In It For Them” (WIIFT) is one of those principles that should go without saying. It’s not niche. It’s not complex. It’s not a secret passed down through the upper echelons of corporate leadership. It’s just basic consideration: when you ask someone for something, think about why they’d want to give it to you.
And yet, somehow, it keeps getting skipped. Maybe because we’ve all been told to be bold, to "just reach out." Maybe because the online world has blurred the line between access and entitlement. Whatever the cause, a surprising number of people jump straight to the ask without pausing to answer four simple questions:
Why this person?
Why now?
Why would they care?
What am I offering in return?
Offering something back doesn’t have to mean cash (although yes, sometimes that’s appropriate). It could be mutual relevance. A thoughtful, focused question. A sign that you’ve done your homework. A note that says, “I respect your time enough not to waste it.”
Unfortunately, the go-to approach is still something like:
“Hi! You look successful. Can I have a chunk of your schedule so I don’t have to figure this out the hard way?”
There’s no ill intent in most cases. But there’s a vacuum where consideration should be. WIIFT is respectful. It shows that you understand time isn’t free, and that attention is earned. People are far more likely to say yes when they feel their time isn’t being casually consumed.
It’s not complicated. It’s not new. It’s just professional empathy. The fact that it now stands out so much only shows how rare it’s become.
Why This Is a Problem (and No, It’s Not Just About Ego)
Let’s give credit where it’s due: not everyone who makes a clumsy ask is selfish or inconsiderate. Some are genuinely trying their best. They’ve read a LinkedIn post that says, “Just put yourself out there!” or listened to a podcast that preaches, “It never hurts to ask!” So they do. They reach out. They ask. But in their rush to be brave or proactive, they forget to be thoughtful.
The irony is, in trying not to come across as transactional, many end up doing exactly that, just without the courtesy of any value in return.
Intent matters. But etiquette matters too. Good intentions don’t cancel out the impact of poorly considered outreach. When someone makes an ask without offering context, care, or anything to balance the exchange, it lands as a quiet assumption: your time is less valuable than my need.
Multiply that by ten, twenty, thirty messages a month, and the asks start to weigh differently. It’s not that you don’t want to help. You do. But when each ask feels like a one-way street, generosity starts to feel expensive.
Support is only sustainable when there are boundaries. If everyone’s drawing from the well without ever pouring back in, eventually the well runs dry. What should feel rewarding begins to feel like a tax on visibility.
The issue is equity. People aren’t looking to turn every coffee chat into a transaction. But when the scale tips entirely in one direction, even the most generous people will hesitate. Nobody wants to feel like their willingness to help is being mistaken for an open tab.
The Anatomy of a Better Ask
What separates a thoughtful outreach from a careless one? Surprisingly little. It doesn’t take a strategy deck or a copywriter. Just a few moments of effort, and a basic understanding that time is not an unlimited public resource. The best outreach is rooted in four core ingredients: clarity, context, consideration, and gratitude. Nothing flashy, just professionalism with a bit of self-awareness.
Clarity means getting to the point. No vague fishing expeditions. No “hoping to connect and see where it goes.” If you’re asking for someone’s time, you owe them a clear reason. Let them know what you’re trying to understand, why it’s relevant, and how they specifically can help. If you don’t know what you’re asking, they definitely won’t either.
Context signals you’ve done your homework. It tells the other person why you’re reaching out to them, not just anyone with a LinkedIn profile and a job title. A sentence or two is enough: reference their work, their experience, or something they’ve shared. This shows that you see the person, not just the position.
Consideration is the part most people skip. It’s not about bribing someone with value. It’s about acknowledging that their time is finite and valuable. Offering something back, such as a connection, a resource, a contribution, shifts the interaction from a withdrawal to a potential exchange
And finally, gratitude. Thank them, even if they decline. People remember appreciation. They also remember being ghosted the second their help is no longer needed. A follow-up thank-you, a note to say the advice helped, buys goodwill.
The bar for better outreach isn’t high. You just have to clear it. It’s amazing how much more willing people are to help when they feel seen, respected, and not taken for granted.
Rewriting the Social Contract of Professionalism
WIIFT isn’t just a networking hack or a bit of clever persuasion. It’s a mindset. A quiet but powerful way of showing people you understand one fundamental truth: time is valuable, and no one owes you theirs. When you lead with WIIFT, what you’re really doing is offering respect. You’re saying:
“I don’t just want something from you. I want this to be worth your while, too.”
It’s not about dressing up your request in fake flattery. It’s about intentionality. You’re not lobbing requests out into the void, hoping someone bites. You’re engaging, thoughtfully, with another human being who has their own priorities, pressures, and bandwidth.
If more people operated with this in mind, the entire professional ecosystem would feel lighter. People would be more open to helping, because help wouldn’t feel like a drain. Conversations would be richer. “No” wouldn’t have to feel like rejection, because the ask came with care.
This really shows up inside companies, too. Cross-functional work becomes a slog when people don’t even attempt to align with what others care about. WIIFT shifts the conversation from “I need this” to “Here’s how this could be valuable to you.” It turns transactions into cooperation.
And outside of formal structures, this is just etiquette. The digital age hasn’t changed the basics: say thank you, show up prepared, don’t act like someone’s time is your entitlement. Sending a cold invite for a call with no warning isn’t initiative.
The social contract of professionalism is simple: treat people’s time like it matters. WIIFT just gives you the language and frame to do it well.
It’s not cynical to protect your time. Somewhere along the way, professional culture blurred the line between openness and obligation. But kindness doesn’t mean saying yes to every ask, and generosity doesn’t mean being endlessly available to anyone with a vague question.
Yes, people should be kind. And yes, many who reach out are simply unaware, not malicious. But your inbox is not public property. If someone can’t be bothered to consider why you might want to say yes, that’s not a you problem.
The real shift we need isn’t to be more intentional. Let’s build a culture where asking for help requires thought, not just boldness. Where people offer clarity, context, and some sense of reciprocity.
It’s okay to say no. It’s okay to ask for context. It’s okay to expect more than, “Got 15 mins?”
Time isn’t a free refill. And yes, “Can I pick your brain?” should absolutely come with a silent footnote: Only if you’ve shown you understand what that really costs.
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