Are You ‘Pleased’ or ‘Humbled’? A LinkedIn Narcissist’s Dilemma
Allow me to extend to you an invitation to embark on an exploration of LinkedIn — a world that can best be described as the Bermuda Triangle of modesty and the Twilight Zone of professional self-aggrandizement. You might liken this social media platform to a cosmic black hole, drawing all vestiges of genuine humility into its abyss, never to be seen again.
The moment you step foot on LinkedIn soil, you find yourself swept away in a relentless torrent of phrases that were once reserved for life-altering events and monumental achievements: ‘thrilled to receive’, ‘honored to announce’, ‘humbled to accept’ and so on, ad infinitum. These declarations are released into the digital ether with the frequency of a metronome set on overdrive, ensuring that no one can escape their magnetic pull.
‘Superlatives’ have taken on a life of their own. They come flying at you from all directions, peppering posts and updates, so much so that the unsuspecting visitor is left reeling, suffering from what I have now termed “superlative fatigue.” This debilitating condition is increasingly common among those who dare to navigate these turbulent waters regularly, trying to keep pace with the unceasing barrage of career triumphs, no matter how trivial.
Each post on this platform, replete with these modesty-laced boasts, seeks not merely to inform, but to dazzle, to outshine the rest in the pursuit of likes and shares. The LinkedIn algorithm is a cruel, insatiable beast, forever demanding a more lavish feast of self-congratulatory declarations.
Welcome to LinkedIn. A world of unbridled narcissism, where humility goes to die, and self-promotion is the currency de jour.
When ‘Happy to Share’ Translates to ‘Bask in My Glory’
LinkedIn operates on a distinct lexicon, one that ingeniously flips conventional meanings and churns out an entirely new dictionary. In this alternate universe, the seemingly innocent phrase, “happy to share,” has morphed into a coded phrase that screams, “Behold my magnificence!” This transformation is as mesmerizing as it is mind-boggling, for who knew such innocent words could bear such weighty implications?
The self-appointed LinkedIn Laureates are champions of this newfound language. They broadcast each career blip, each infinitesimal progression, with the unbridled glee of a pre-schooler flaunting a freshly-learned skill. New client onboard? “Happy to share!” Solved a glitch in the software? “Happy to share!” Managed to sit through a four-hour Zoom meeting without nodding off? You guessed it — “Happy to share!”
Every whisper of progress in their career journey is amplified into a shout, echoing across the LinkedIn-verse, until you can’t help but sit up and take notice. The level of enthusiasm is so infectious, so over the top, it’s reminiscent of a five-year-old just mastering the art of shoelace-tying, skipping around, flaunting the bunny-eared knots to anyone within a five-mile radius.
But let’s pose a hypothetical question here. Would they be as enthusiastic, as willing to share, if they were unhappy with their progress? If they had spent an entire day wrestling with an uncooperative Excel sheet, would they be ‘happy to share’ that? Unlikely. But we will never truly know, will we? Such instances of vulnerable honesty have no place in the LinkedIn Playbook.
The playbook instead mandates a polished façade of constant achievement and success, leaving no room for reality’s less glamorous moments. It seems then, in this LinkedIn-ese, the phrase ‘happy to share’ serves a dual purpose. While it feeds the omnipresent algorithm with tidbits of ‘success,’ it also paints a picture of unwavering professional achievement, thereby perpetuating the cycle of narcissism and humblebrags that LinkedIn has come to be known for.
‘Honored to Announce’: When Humblebrags Morph into a Badge of Honor
The LinkedIn dialect offers a smorgasbord of narcissistic chatter. One phrase that proudly parades this is “honored to announce,” an idiom that LinkedIn denizens have elevated to an art form. This humblebrag serves as a shining testament to the user’s latest professional conquest.
Dripping with a sense of gravitas, “honored to announce” is typically succeeded by a declaration of some sort of promotion, an award bestowed, or an achievement unlocked. This pairing wraps the boast in a cocoon of feigned humility, packaging it neatly for public consumption. It’s as though the LinkedIn glitterati have unlocked the secret recipe of self-promotion, where the main ingredient is a faux modesty that’s as appealing as it is deceptive.
Now, imagine throwing a lavish soiree at your palatial mansion. You announce it to the world, sending out gilt-edged invitations to everyone within earshot. Then, you magnanimously declare how ‘honored’ you are to play host, all while you wave from the balcony of your opulence, martini in hand, basking in the admiring glances of your awe-struck guests.
Does this sound familiar? It’s essentially the LinkedIn equivalent of saying, “Look at me, standing atop this mountain of success, humbly announcing my accomplishments to the world.” The ‘honor’ in the announcement is less about the recognition of a job well done and more about broadcasting that success far and wide, casting a spotlight on their professional prowess.
This usage has become so ubiquitous that it’s now an accepted norm, a shared language that LinkedIn-ers understand and respond to. It’s as though the phrase “honored to announce” serves as a signal, a flare launched into the digital sky, rallying the LinkedIn community to congregate and partake in the celebration. Yes, the party is at their mansion, and yes, they are ‘honored’ to have you witness their grandeur. Such is the world of LinkedIn, where humility is a carefully crafted illusion, and ‘honored to announce’ is the not-so-secret handshake of the humblebrag club.
Trivial Triumphs: When Every Achievement is Oscar-Worthy
Within the thoroughfares of LinkedIn, a spectacle often unfolds — the glorification of the “trivial triumphs.” You know the ones I mean — those seemingly mundane, everyday tasks that suddenly morph into mountainous achievements worthy of the highest praise. The LinkedIn-verse treats these commonplace events as if they were headline-worthy news, with each announcement taking on the pomp and circumstance of an Oscar acceptance speech.
A successfully updated Excel spreadsheet is not just a job task competently completed; it’s a victory over the forces of chaos. Leading a Zoom meeting without any technical glitches becomes akin to conducting a symphony orchestra at the Royal Albert Hall. Suddenly, every employee is the maestro of their domain.
The enthusiasm that greets the completion of these tasks is nothing short of awe-inspiring. It’s as if each mundane accomplishment carries the weight of Atlas’ world upon its shoulders, with each successful endeavor hailed as a Herculean feat. It’s a spectacle that leaves one wondering if the denizens of LinkedIn have perhaps forgotten that these tasks are just part of doing one’s job, not exactly charitable acts deserving of sainthood.
But the applause keeps coming, each clap another affirmation of the triumph of these everyday heroes. After all, who are we to deny them their moment of glory, their standing ovation in the amphitheater of professional life? Let the trumpets blare, let the drumrolls echo! Raise your glasses, ladies and gentlemen, to the extraordinary ordinariness of the LinkedIn world.
The fascination with these “trivial triumphs” reflects a truth about the LinkedIn universe — no task is too small, no achievement too insignificant, to be cast in the spotlight. Each post, each celebration, becomes a stepping-stone in the pathway to self-promotion.
So, the next time you navigate LinkedIn, spare a thought (or a like) for these professionals. After all, who can resist the appeal of an Oscar-worthy performance in the theater of the ordinary?
The False Modesty Olympics: When Being ‘Humbled’ Turns into a Competition
On our journey through LinkedIn, we encounter another fascinating sub-culture — the “humbled to…” crowd. Here, in this corner of LinkedIn, humility isn’t just a mere virtue; it’s a competitive sport, an Olympic event, with participants vying for the coveted gold medal in the False Modesty Olympics.
Welcome, to the intriguing spectacle of the ‘humbled to…’ marathon, where participants run laps around modesty and humility, each claiming to be more ‘humbled’ than the last. “Humbled to be promoted,” “humbled to be recognized,” “humbled to receive this award,” — the variations are many, but the underlying theme remains the same: look at my impressive achievement, but admire my humility while doing so.
While the dictionary definition of ‘humbled’ might suggest feelings of being small or unpretentious, LinkedIn’s take on it skews more towards, “I’m standing atop the Mount Everest of success, but let me kneel down for a moment to show you how grounded I am.” Here, humility becomes a strategic ploy, a well-crafted, well-placed modifier that serves to soften the blow of their unrelenting self-promotion.
The crown in these Olympics undoubtedly goes to those who consistently pair their achievements with a heavy dose of faux modesty. These are the individuals who have perfected the art of the humblebrag, offering up their triumphs wrapped in a blanket of humility. Yet, beneath this veneer of modesty, the message is as clear as a foghorn’s call: “Behold my shiny new title/award/partnership!”
The ‘humbled’ posts, therefore, have less to do with feeling small or humble, and more to do with subliminally drawing attention to their accomplishments. In the hands of the ‘humbled to…’ aficionados, humility is no longer an exercise in self-reflection but rather a performance executed with finesse. Through this elaborate choreography, LinkedIn transforms a virtue into a competition, and humbleness becomes yet another feather in the cap of professional narcissism.
The Step-Up Syndrome: LinkedIn’s Love Affair with the Corporate Ladder
Enter another protagonist: the champion of the ‘step-up syndrome.’ Here, every job transition, every career move, is painted with the broad strokes of a monumental leap forward. The drudgery of the past job fades into oblivion, giving way to the exhilarating promise of the new position. It’s a narrative that has been woven, re-woven, and celebrated ad nauseam.
Here, each LinkedIn-ite becomes the hero of their own rags-to-riches story. They battle against professional stagnation, traverse the treacherous terrains of corporate bureaucracy, and hurdle the high walls of career roadblocks. Finally, they emerge, victorious and radiant, in the land of their dream job, ready to pen an epic LinkedIn post about their journey.
The narrative is undeniably riveting — a tale of overcoming seemingly insurmountable obstacles, a testament to grit, perseverance, and the allure of success. The LinkedIn stage is set, the spotlight is on, and the protagonist basks in the collective applause of their awestruck audience.
But let’s take a moment to ponder this — would one take the leap if it wasn’t a step up? Would they exchange one cloak of professional responsibilities for another if it didn’t promise a better fit or a fancier title? Chances are slim. Yet, the LinkedIn community continues to relish these dramatized narratives of professional advancement, each transition trumpeted as a triumphant progression towards a better role.
And so, the ‘step-up syndrome’ narrative continues to be peddled, each story echoing the last. Every new position, every career advancement, adds another rung to the corporate ladder, and the LinkedIn user ascends, one ‘step-up’ story at a time. These narratives, in their predictability and frequency, have become a staple of the LinkedIn diet, adding another layer to the professional narcissism that the platform is renowned for. The LinkedIn-verse, it seems, is ever ready to celebrate another rags-to-riches tale, another hero’s journey towards their dream job. After all, everyone loves a good step-up story.
‘Pleased to…’: A Delicate Euphemism for Shameless Self-Promotion
The “pleased to…” brigade! A stalwart in the LinkedIn lexicon, this phrase is a charmer, a Trojan Horse that masks self-promotion under the guise of shared joy. As an entry in the LinkedIn Self-Promotion Thesaurus, it holds a place of honor, rubbing shoulders with its peers in the art of humblebragging. If “honored to announce” is the modest champion of this category, then “pleased to…” is its slightly more flamboyant cousin.
These LinkedIn-ers are perpetually ‘pleased.’ They are ‘pleased’ to announce their new role, ‘pleased’ to share their latest project, ‘pleased’ to reveal their minor achievement. The earth could be splitting open, the sky could be falling, but they would still be ‘pleased’ to tell you all about their latest professional escapade.
‘Pleased to…’ has become a reflexive response, an automated reply, a way to lay the groundwork for their unabashed self-promotion. It’s as if there’s an unwritten LinkedIn law that every post, every announcement, every update must be prefaced with this phrase. It has been so ingrained into the platform’s narrative style that one would be forgiven for thinking ‘pleased to…’ was a mandatory field in the LinkedIn post creation interface.
Yet, behind the façade of shared pleasure, the intent remains crystal clear. This is not just about spreading joy; it’s a carefully strategized self-promotion campaign. It’s the LinkedIn equivalent of a peacock flaunting its plume, a wolf baying at the moon, a star twinkling in the night sky. ‘Pleased to…’ is the fanfare, the drumroll that precedes the grand reveal of their latest professional conquest.
And so, ‘pleased to…’ continues to thrive as an evergreen phrase that serves as a portal to shameless self-promotion. It may be wrapped in a veneer of shared delight, but let’s call a spade a spade — it’s a not-so-subtle nudge for the audience to stop, look, and admire the user’s professional journey. After all, aren’t they just ‘pleased’ to let you in on their success?
Emoticon Euphoria: Adding a Dash of Emotional Seasoning
Finally, we are brought face-to-face with the most colorful spectacle of the platform: the liberal use of emoticons. Emojis, the vivid visual punctuation of the digital world, are as essential to LinkedIn posts as oxygen is to life. They are sprinkled across posts like confetti at a New Year’s Eve parade, adding a dash of emotional seasoning to the textual feast.
Emojis have assumed the role of the ever-reliable sidekick to LinkedIn’s faux emotive statements. They ride shotgun on every professional update, an arsenal of digital expression to underline, emphasize, and amplify the emotions expressed in words. They are the cheerleaders, the hype men, the backup dancers to the main act of self-promotion.
Did your team win a minor inter-departmental challenge? Cue a round of applause emoji. Have you received a well-deserved job promotion? Release the confetti cannon emoji. The emoji game on LinkedIn is not just strong; it’s Olympic weightlifting level strong. It’s an elaborate choreography of winks, thumbs up, and clapping hands, a symphony of smiley faces, stars, and sparkling hearts. It’s an explosion of color, a whirlwind of emotion, a vibrant visual accompaniment to the LinkedIn narrative.
In fact, the LinkedIn lexicon is as much a language of emojis as it is of words. They are the hieroglyphics of our digital age. Through the lens of emojis, a ‘happy to share’ isn’t merely a statement; it’s a jubilant declaration, a moment of triumph, a collective celebration.
And so, emojis are the fireworks that light up the night sky, the dazzling embellishments that make every announcement, every update, a visual delight. It’s the emotional seasoning that adds flavor to the LinkedIn soup. What’s a LinkedIn post without a sprinkling of emoticon euphoria? Just a bowl of bland text, perhaps.
As we draw the curtains on LinkedIn’s world of self-promotion, let’s take a moment to reflect. This corporate social network isn’t just a platform for professional connections. No, it’s a flamboyant masquerade, a self-celebration carnival where humility has been dethroned and narcissism reigns supreme.
This is a world where every individual is incessantly ‘humbled,’ ceaselessly ‘honored,’ and perpetually ‘pleased.’ It's realm where modesty is a forgotten language, replaced by a lexicon of self-promotion. It’s a universe where the echo of ‘look at me’ reverberates through the endless scrolls of status updates.
So, the next time you venture into LinkedIn’s digital wilderness and find yourself worn out by an onslaught of superlatives, remember to treat it all with a dash of skepticism. Better yet, consider joining the parade. Throw on your finest professional attire, grab your ‘pleased to announce’ banner, and join the march. If you can’t beat the LinkedIn narcissists, why not try outdoing them in their own game? And who knows? You might just find yourself ‘thrilled to share’ your own rags-to-riches tale on the platform.